This is how things end

A few days ago I thought I had made up my mind about when or if I was returning. I was sure I would stay away and teach english or find some other way to support myself overseas. When it came time for an answer I wasn't sure and decided to give myself a few hours to think about it. After my deadline I still wasn't sure and decided this should not be a rash decision. My answer on whether or not to take the TEFL training course is 'no' for now.

My parents left the other day to return top the states. I left Sai Gon (Ho Chi Minh City) two nights ago. The train ride was supposed to take about ninteen hours. We stopped well inland because of a typhoon and waited. I didn't arrive in Hue until today at two, about forty six hours after I left Sai Gon.

My farewell to my family was bitter sweet because just before I left they pulled some wierd family shit on me. In Vietnamese culture the oldest male has a duty to stay close to (or live with) the parents and care for them. SInce I am not doing this I'm breaking my parents heart (according to my family here). They pretty much were laying all kinds of guilt trips on me just hours before I left. It left a bad taste in my mouth and was not the farewell I wanted.

In those few hours I began to understand my parents even more, because I see their attitudes and ways of dealing with things are more deep rooted in Vietnamese culture than I ever imagined. I felt like a teenager again who is a disappointment to the family for not following the path that they chose for me. As I stepped on the train I breathed a sigh of relief because I was finally away from them.

I don't know if I can face them and their disappointment again. I thought I would teach english in Vietnam, more specifically in Sai Gon, but I don't think I can live there and deal with their constant pressure to do my duty. My uncle tried to make me promise after my visa expired I would return home to my parents. The answer every time he asked was "no." Even when I called him today to let him know where I was and that I was all right he asked me again. I like him a lot, but can't give him or the family the answer they want.

Anyways, I'm away from all that now and will continue journeying.