There is conflict

I didn't go on my trip seeking answers to my life. I think it's a bit naive to think this way. I'm not saying I haven't learned and grown from my experiences. To not have come away with anything would've been a waste.

So what did I learn while I was away? To live in the now. To live simply. Living in the now was completely foreign to me before I left, and now that I'm back knowing how to do so is slowly slipping away. It's difficult to live in the now when living in a city like San Francisco and a country like the U.S.A. I'm already making plans for next week or next month. It's strange to me to be making these kinds of plans.

I'm not sure if I can stay in SF. I don't think San Francisco is a place where I can live simply. I can already feel the urge as a consumer and I don't like it. I don't want to be part of a materialistic society. I miss the toys and gadgets, but at the end of the day I know I don't need them. I've never been a whore for clothes. I travelled for the better part of the year with two outfits, but the day before I came back to the states I bought four pairs of jeans in Bangkok because I figured I'd need new clothes when I came back.

I'm fighting against the part of me that wants to integrate back into this type of lifestyle because I know it will ultimately make me unhappy.