There is conflict

I didn't go on my trip seeking answers to my life. I think it's a bit naive to think this way. I'm not saying I haven't learned and grown from my experiences. To not have come away with anything would've been a waste.

So what did I learn while I was away? To live in the now. To live simply. Living in the now was completely foreign to me before I left, and now that I'm back knowing how to do so is slowly slipping away. It's difficult to live in the now when living in a city like San Francisco and a country like the U.S.A. I'm already making plans for next week or next month. It's strange to me to be making these kinds of plans.

I'm not sure if I can stay in SF. I don't think San Francisco is a place where I can live simply. I can already feel the urge as a consumer and I don't like it. I don't want to be part of a materialistic society. I miss the toys and gadgets, but at the end of the day I know I don't need them. I've never been a whore for clothes. I travelled for the better part of the year with two outfits, but the day before I came back to the states I bought four pairs of jeans in Bangkok because I figured I'd need new clothes when I came back.

I'm fighting against the part of me that wants to integrate back into this type of lifestyle because I know it will ultimately make me unhappy.

This is what I've been up to for the past month.

Wake up! Wake up!: shower, brush my teeth, get dressed (shorts, no shirt it's too hot here)

Eat breakfast

I used to eat at the coffee shop by my bungalow. I moved down to a different coffee shop (Pyramid run by a guy named Chai) where they have yummy pancakes. I now go between Chai's and Rachael's place down at Sawadee where the museli is excellent.

Climb

This is self explanatory.

Lunch

Sometimes at the crag, but more recently since climbing closer to home we've been eating at one of the restaurants.

Climb

Again no explanation needed.

Beer and sunset

Usually at Sawadee I have a beer and catch up with the people I didn't climb with.

Shower then dinner

Get the funk off and put on some relatively clean clothes and meet up with the peeps for dinner.

Hang out

You know have some beers, talk, laugh.

Repeat

This is what it's like in Ton Sai if you're a climber. If I'm at a party and there are no climbers around I know it's time to go to sleep. Most people in Ton Sai have a similar pattern. Everyday is pretty much the same unless I'm on a rest day. I guess that's why I haven't been updating too much. Also deep down I think I haven't wanted to because it's a link to home and I'm not feeling home right now. Hopefully that will change.

P.S. Flight back to SF is on March 9.

Blog off

I've hit a bit of a time warp. I arrived in Ton Sai on January 3. My plan was to leave on the tenth to catch my flight to Bali. A few plans have changed since then. I wrote off going to Indonesia the first week I was here. I don't think I'm going to Hong Kong either. I have been in Ton Sai for a month, climbing most days and regrowing skin on the days off.

There's been a bit of Ton Sai drama involving me. I met a Thai girl, then kicked her to the curb when Sara showed up (it wasn't realy like that). Sara and I have a platonic relationship, not necessarily what I wanted, but she's still one of my favorite people in the world. She and her boyfriend left Ton Sai three weeks ago. They're going back to Holland tonight. I felt some karmic repercussions when Nadia proceeded to do something same same but different to me. I would've been more upset if I wasn't climbing well.

Now the thing is for me to figure out when I'm coming home (the women have nothing to do with it). When I first got to Ton Sai I was ready to leave. Even yesterday I was contemplating going home on the most recent itinerary. This will not happen. Tomorrow, the day I should leave, I'm going out on a boat with ten people to deep water solo. DWS = climbing with just my shoes, no rope or harness, over dep water. If I fall I go for a swim. If I make it to the end of the route, I take a thirty foot leap into the water.

My life for the past month has revolved around climbing. I don't think it's all too interesting to report on my onsites or redpoints. All I can say is once I touched the limestone here things became more simplified in my mind (making me a simpleton?). Most of the time I'm thinking about which crag I'm going to on the next day out, or how I'm going to get through the crux of the route I couldn't finish. Life is good right now.

I'm sorry for the lack of communication.

Alone again

I was on the open water in a thunderstorm waiting for a ferry. No one has heard from me since I called my family on Christmas Day from Ko Phi Phi. I've been on a quiet undeveloped island called Ko Jum located between Ko Lanta and Krabi. I spent the last week with Sara and now I'm missing her. She went to Ko Lanta and I'm back in Krabi. What did we do the past week. Nothing. It was funny to see the surprise on the face of the locals when we bought our ferry tickets in opposite directions. I want to go home, to feel safe again, especially after spending the past two week with good friends.